What's Going On Up There?

Dear Dr. Sadie,

I live in a lovely little apartment in a nice building in a nice neighborhood. My neighbors seem good, if quiet. The only problem is my upstairs neighbor. He's a 60-year old gentleman who lives alone. He generally keeps to himself, but about once a month, at three in the morning, he makes an incredible racket. 

I can't for the life of me figure out what the noise is, either. It sounds like a symphony of cats in heat being accompanied by chainsaws and a broken violin. It's really LOUD, too. I can't possibly sleep through it. Last month, the morning after it happened, I asked him, "everything all right up there?" and he responded, "all's well, sport. How are you?"

I'm both confused by the mystery of it all, and a little sleep deprived. It wouldn't be so bad if I knew when he was going to do it. Then I could arrange to sleep elsewhere. As it stands, I am on edge every night, and I'm dying of curiosity. What should I do, Dr. Sadie?

- Sleepless in Tacoma

Maybe you should tell him, "stop that noise!" Then he would say "all right," (Dr. Sadie shrugs her shoulders).

If you want to know what the noise is, you should ask your neighbor. You should say, "what is that noise and where did it come from?" And then he would tell you.