Teenage Wasteland

Dear Dr. Sadie,

My 17 year old son is a high school drop out. He's not interested in anything. He sleeps until noon every day and spends every day on the couch, watching TV and playing video games. He has no ambition. 

I want him to get a job. What kind of job do you suggest for such a lazy kid?

- Concerned Mom

He should work in a bank. Then he would get lots of money. I think he would like money. When you work in a bank, you give money to lend to people, and then they give it back. Mr. Banks was keeping the money and not giving it away. Mr. Banks is a character from the Jane and Michael movie (ed. note: Mary Poppins). If your son works in a bank, he should lend the money to people. Then he won't get fired.

He might also get fired if he brought children to the bank. Don't ever bring children to a bank. Children shouldn't work. They should stay home and play and go to school, unless they're doing home school. It's important for children to learn new things. New things might be important.

Jane and Michael were very naughty kids. They ran away from the nannies, because they were mean. They ran away from their mom and dad, because THEY were mean, too. But then Mary Poppins made it funnier and funnier when the nannies and parents were mean, so Jane and Michael learned how to be nice, not mean. Maybe Mary Poppins could teach your son not to be lazy. But Mary Poppins isn't real. Maybe someone else could teach him. I'm not lazy. Sometimes I'm lazy in the morning because I want to sleep more, but other than that, I'm not lazy.