Kindergarten Advice

Dear Dr. Sadie,
I've heard, that you will start kindergarten soon. That sounds really exciting, will there be new students? Because I'll soon start at a new school and I'm a little nervous on how to make friends. I know you have a lot of friends because you are a wonderful person, uhm I mean princess of course. So I was wondering if you have some super secret tips on how to make friends with new people?
I love you lots and I'm sending hugs and kisses,
your big sister,
Feli

I just try them to ask them questions about themselves. You actually need to know friends more than just their name and favorite color. You actually have to know them to be friends. So you have to make friends by talking to them and getting them to tell you some interesting things about themselves, and then you can become great friends with them.

Maybe if they don't talk much, you can ask them questions in sign language. If they know sign language, they can sign back. And maybe if they say "water coffee" with their hands (like my friend did), you can just laugh.

I love you so much, Feli. I miss you so much, too. I can't wait until you come back.

Birthday Blues

Dear Dr. Sadie,

I am having a birthday soon. It's not a milestone birthday or anything, but I find myself feeling old, depressed and generally sad about aging. What can I do to shake the birtday blues?

- Feeling Older but not Wiser

Maybe you should try to not feel sad. Sometimes you forget how sad you are when you're having a lot of fun.

If you want to have a good birthday, you should have a lot of fun. You could decorate a lot of placemats and have a fancy party. I'm getting older, too, and I like big, boomy birthdays. A "boomy" birthday is big and exciting. You could have fireworks and get crazy. That sounds fun to me.

Boy Crazy

Dear Dr. Sadie,

How do you know if a boy likes you?

- Wondering

If he spends tons and tons of time with you, he likes you. I wonder if you want this boy. You're a girl, of course. So I think you want this boy to like you.

He should say nice things about you and go on dates with you. You should go out to eat to a restaurant. I think you should go to McDonalds. They serve such good food like Chicken Nuggets. And it comes with prizes. If you want to win a prize, go to McDonalds. [Singing] Old McDonald had a farm, EIEIO. I guess they named the restaurant after the song. Who does something like that - naming a restaurant after a song? My friend Errol named a Lego after me, so I guess it's OK.

Dr. Sadie Gets Creative

Dear Dr. Sadie,

All my life, all I ever wanted was to be an inventor. I worked menial jobs and raised my family, but now I have the chance to follow my dream. I've set up a workshop in the basement, and it's time to get inventing. There's only one problem. I don't know what to invent. 

Can you help me, Dr. Sadie? What's the greatest thing anyone's ever invented? What does the world need for someone to invent now?

- Apparently Not Edison

You should invent a spring that you can jump up and down with so you can get up to windows and put stickers on them.

You should be an inventor like Flint Lockwood (ed. note: from Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs). He invented a machine that turns water into food.

Maybe you should make a wood chipper that chops wood all by itself.

Maybe you could make a letter-maker machine that puts real letters together to make words, like the whole alphabet.

What's in a Name?

Dear Dr. Sadie,

I come from a large family. I am one of seven brothers and sisters. I'm the 5th in the line, and I'm 8 years old. Being so close to the end, without being the youngest means that I don't get heard very often. When we argue and fight, my oldest brother, Mike, or my youngest sister, Lisa, usually get their way.

We just brought home a new dog. He's very cute and loving, but we can't agree on what to name him. I thought that this time, instead of arguing until Mike and Lisa win, you could settle it for us. So what should we name the new dog?

- Middle Child

You could name the dog Sally. Sally is a very pretty name. I thought you'd like to give the dog a pretty name. Is the dog pretty?

You could name the dog Woofie. That's a good name for a boy dog.

Sometimes people name dogs after people who are really special. You could name your dog after someone special. My family has a great dog named Spike (ed. note: an 85-pound Basset Hound, and the coolest dog ever). You could name your dog after him.

You could also name your dog Roger, after Mr. Rogers. He's a pretty cool person. He's the coolest person in the world.

Higher Office

Hi Dr. Sadie,

I am five years old and in Kindergarten. I really want to be President of the United States one day. What should I do so that I can be President one day?

- Future Executive

Try really hard to grow up to be nice and kind and that kind of thing. You should try to be really helpful to everybody.

The President has to be funny. He tells funny jokes all the time, even though he knows the answers to them. Are you funny? Do you know jokes?

The President spends all day going to meetings and telling funny jokes. That's really all he does. If you want to be President, you should learn how to tell good jokes and go to meetings. The President also keeps us all safe.

But is it Art?

Dear Dr. Sadie,

My nephew is a bright and articulate young man, but he's had a rough go of it for a long time. He's always had a hard time fitting in with his family. They're all very academic and driven. His father's an actuary, and his mother's a doctor. Both of his sisters are engineers. My nephew's always been a little more artistic, and he suffered from their inability to understand the legitimacy of his desire to pursue art as a serious line of study and a potential career. He has always come to me, his favorite uncle (and a design architect) for compassion and understanding.

Needless to say his studies and professional life have had lots of bumps in the road over the years. Recently, however, he's been very, very excited about a new "creative opportunity" that he's found. He's said very little about it, but I agreed to invest a few thousand dollars to help him get his project off the ground. 

He just unveiled his "masterpiece," and it's very strange. As far as I can tell, he took lots of plastic toys (barbie dolls, army men, toy cars, etc) and used a magnifying glass and sunlight to burn holes in them. He then mounted them on miniature pedestals. He says that he wants me to have the "best piece in the lot," which is a doll in a toy stroller that's melted almost beyond recognition. He also wants me to pay for it, at the reduced family price of $900.

What should I do?

- Wants to be Supportive, but Really?

I don't think you should buy the art, because if you don't really want it, you shouldn't have it.

This might hurt your nephew's feelings. Maybe you should buy his art, but put in in your attic so you don't have to look at it.

Maybe you can get some coupons for your nephew. He could use the coupons to buy art that isn't so weird.

Where's the Beef?

Dear Dr. Sadie,

I am 15 years old. In my school, we studied the agricultural industry, and, as a result, I want to become a vegetarian. I told my parents this, and they laughed at me. They called it a "phase," and told me to "let us know when you outgrow your idealism." They are refusing to prepare vegetarian meals for me, saying that I'll have to make my own meals if I want to go on a "crazy diet."

I am sincere. I can't believe the conditions they make these animals live in. I don't know how anyone can eat meat knowing about this.

How can I convince them to support me in this?

- Thinking of Going Vegan, Too

Maybe you should try making your own meals for school lunch, and your own meals for dinner and your own meals for breakfast. You could make a salad without any meat in it.

You could also try tricking your parents with vegetarian meat. When they eat it and see that it's good, you can tell them that they are eating vegetarian, too.

We eat a lot of vegetarian meals in my house. My parents are vegetarian, but I'm not. We eat a lot of eggs, and I like that. I also like to eat dolmas. It's my favorite food. Dolmas are grape leaves rolled in olive oil with rice stuffed in the middle. You could also eat vegetarian sandwiches, like peanut butter and jelly or hummos with avocado.

Matching Doggie Bowls?

Dear Dr. Sadie,

I have an aunt who's always been a bit eccentric, but truly lovely and harmless. She's a very sweet woman who never got married and never had kids. She's very maternal, and was a wonderful aunt to all of us while we were growing up. She has focused most of her energy on her dogs.

Last week, she sent out a "save the date" card for a wedding. We were all shocked, mostly because she wasn't dating anyone seriously at the time. It turns out that the wedding isn't for her, but for her two dogs. That's right, she's hosting a doggie wedding.

My mother has tried talking her out of it, but she won't budge. Given how wonderful she's been to all of us, we've all decided to be supportive. We're all going to dress up and go to the wedding. So my question to you is, what does one bring to a doggie wedding? Is there an appropriate gift?

- Confused, but Loves Aunt Mae

Maybe you should bring a doggy toy. If they want a doggy toy, I would suggest a new rattle for a baby. Maybe the doggies will have babies when they get married.

My mommy and daddy got married before they had kids. My aunt and uncle got married and I was the ring bearer. Then they had a baby - my cousin Ezzie. The same thing happened with Uncle Ted and Aunt Aimee.

Maybe you could bring a doggie cake with bones on it - sort of like doggy food.

Baby blues

Dear Dr. Sadie,

My problem is a little strange. I have a little brother. I love him a lot, but I can never understand a word he says. He seems to communicate in a series of grunts, squeaks and screams. Occasionally he'll point to things that he wants and expect people to get them for him.

This wouldn't be such a problem, but my brother is 35 years old, not 6 months old. He doesn't have any developmental problems. I think he's just lazy. What should I do?

- Older Sister

Maybe you could try to understand. I have a little brother, too. He's 14 month old, and he grunts like this too. I try to understand him. It's really hard work. I never really understand him, though.

I think you should say, "stop being so lazy and talk." Then he would talk.

Not to seem ungrateful, but ....

Dear Dr Sadie,

What should I do if I don't really like a gift someone gave me? I don't want to be ungrateful but I also don't want to lie.

- It's really ugly

Hmmm. You could say to the person, "thank you, but I don't really want this." Then they would feel very sorry.

Maybe you could bring it back to the store, but not tell the person who gave it to you that you don't like it.

A Big Fraud

Dear Dr. Sadie,

I'm a 55 year old woman. I have 4 beautiful children. The are getting married and having children of their own. I have a big, wonderful family, and I couldn't be happier. We come together for holidays, and it's wonderful.

Several years ago, I found a recipe for chocolate cake in a magazine. I made the cake, and my family LOVED it. I told a white lie, and said that I had come up with the recipe on my own. I'm not sure why I did that, as I'm a generally honest person. Unfortunately, the cake became "a thing." I am asked to make it at every holiday and for extended family gatherings. A niece even asked me to make a dozen of them for a wedding. 

Now my oldest son is encouraging me to enter the recipe in a prestigious baking contest. I don't want to do this for obvious reasons. How do I get out of it? Do I come clean after all these years? Do I just cry modesty?

- Betty Crock-of-you-know-what

Maybe you should say, "guys, I really don't want to do this. I want to have this recipe just for us at the holidays. I will bake it for your birthdays, but it's just for us."

A Hairy Situation

Dear Dr. Sadie,

I really hate getting my hair cut. The sound of the scissors near my ears drives me nuts, and I mourn as all the little hairs flitter to the floor. I feel like I'm losing a part of me.

I haven't had a haircut in 15 years. My hair has gotten so long and out of control that I sometimes step on it when I walk. What should I do?

- Rapunzel

Maybe you should ask the barbs, the people who work at the hair shop, to not cut your ears. Maybe you could put some yellow dye into your hair and then put red dye in your hair, and then you could put white letters in your hair that say "stop cutting by my ears."

Channeling Martha Stewart

Dear Dr. Sadie, 

I have been saving my money for years, and I'm finally able to buy my dream home. Do you have any decorating tips for me?

- Excited First-Timer

Yeah! Maybe you could put up a big flower bouquet on the ceiling. You could put glittering snowflakes on the floor. You could ask your husband if he wants to go with you to JoAn's fabrics to get some ribbons and lace. You could hang them up with the flower bouquets.

You could try to make the house look like Dorothy's house. You could make a cardboard house outside, and all the kids could come and use their imaginations to make it fun. Everyone is invited. In our house, we don't say, "you can't play."

Unwanted Nickname

Dear Dr. Sadie,

I am in the 4th grade. My teacher, Mr. Johnson, is very nice, but also very old. He sometimes forgets things, and we have to remind him of things all the time - things like when it's time to go to lunch or gym or the bus. Mostly it's all right, but he also forgets my name. 

Actually, he forgets all of our names. He just calls everyone "Charlie." I really don't like being called Charlie. My name is Jennifer. How do I get him to stop?

- Not Charlie

You should tell him everyone's name. You need to remind him over and over and over again. You could say, "this one's name is Maggie," and he would say, "I'm sorry, Maggie."

If you keep telling him over and over, he will remember. When I'm in pre-school, I sometimes forget what my job is - like whether I'm the line leader or the caboose. The caboose is the end of the line, and the leader is at the front, but the teacher is in front of the line leader. When I forget my job, I tell the teacher I forgot, and she tells someone to go to the morning meeting spot (where we usually read books in the morning), and they check to see what my job is.

You could write down what the kids' actual names are, then whenever the teacher has trouble figuring out the names, he could go to where he keeps that piece of paper, he would remember the names.

Fitting In

Dear Dr. Sadie,

I work internationally. For the next six months, I am stationed in a very remote area in a country most people have never heard of. It's quite rustic. There's no electricity in my town. There's no indoor plumbing. It's like stepping back in time. I'm fine with all of it, and I'm enjoying getting to know the people and the local customs. It's very important that I am accepted by the locals and that I build relationships.

The problem is the food. There is a local dish that everyone eats. It's considered a very important part of the local culture. People take pride in how well they cook it, and recipes are handed down through generations. Unfortunately, it's awful. It's made of something I would never consider eating. It smells like the inside of a barn, and it tastes even worse. After eating it, I feel sick for a week. Unfortunately, as a new person to the town, whenever I am invited to someone's house, they make this dish for me and expect me to eat it enthusiastically. To refuse it is very insulting, and it would make my work much more difficult. 

What should I do?

- Delicate Stomach

Maybe you should say "I want to go to another part of this place where they don't have this food." You should find someone else to do this job. Maybe you could ask my Uncle Baba (ed. note - Dr. Sadie's Uncle, who is an international relief worker). He could do the job really well, and he would eat the food.

When I don't like something that's offered to me, I say, "that's not my favorite," which is nicer than "I don't like that food." I really don't like sweet potato and winter squash. I get sick for a week, too, if I eat them. If someone tries to give me sweet potato or winter squash, I say, "no thank you. That's not my favorite."

Teenage Wasteland

Dear Dr. Sadie,

My 17 year old son is a high school drop out. He's not interested in anything. He sleeps until noon every day and spends every day on the couch, watching TV and playing video games. He has no ambition. 

I want him to get a job. What kind of job do you suggest for such a lazy kid?

- Concerned Mom

He should work in a bank. Then he would get lots of money. I think he would like money. When you work in a bank, you give money to lend to people, and then they give it back. Mr. Banks was keeping the money and not giving it away. Mr. Banks is a character from the Jane and Michael movie (ed. note: Mary Poppins). If your son works in a bank, he should lend the money to people. Then he won't get fired.

He might also get fired if he brought children to the bank. Don't ever bring children to a bank. Children shouldn't work. They should stay home and play and go to school, unless they're doing home school. It's important for children to learn new things. New things might be important.

Jane and Michael were very naughty kids. They ran away from the nannies, because they were mean. They ran away from their mom and dad, because THEY were mean, too. But then Mary Poppins made it funnier and funnier when the nannies and parents were mean, so Jane and Michael learned how to be nice, not mean. Maybe Mary Poppins could teach your son not to be lazy. But Mary Poppins isn't real. Maybe someone else could teach him. I'm not lazy. Sometimes I'm lazy in the morning because I want to sleep more, but other than that, I'm not lazy.

Water Cooler Proposal

Dear Dr. Sadie,
I work with someone who's sweet on me. I just think he's sweet...What should I do?
-Heartbreaker

Maybe you should say, "no. I want to marry someone else. I don't want to get married. I just don't want to date anybody."

Maybe you should tell the man, "I'm just not going to date right now." Then he would find another woman in the office that he really, really liked, and he would marry her.

To Cheat or Not to Cheat

Dear Dr. Sadie,

I am a contestant in beauty pageants. I am really good, and I am starting to go to some very prestigious ones. I may even end up in Ms. America or Ms. Universe or another of the "big time" pageants pretty soon.

As I move into more and more high profile pageants, I have noticed that almost all of the other girls cheat. They do lots of little things that are against the rules, but no one seems to catch them. The judges don't even check. I was brought up to believe that cheaters never win and winners never cheat, but I'd hate to lose out on my lifelong dream due to someone else's unfair advantage. What should I do, Dr. Sadie? Cheat? Turn them in? Do nothing and hope that my natural beauty and talent shines through? Please help.

- Beauty Queen (almost)

Maybe you should tell the other girls, "if you cheat, I will tell the judges that you are cheating." If you do that, the cheating girls will all run away. Then you'll be all by yourself with the judges, and you will win the contest.

You could also tell the other girls not to cheat. You could say, "could you PLEASE not cheat anymore." Then they all say "OK," and they would stop cheating.

They might laugh at you, but at least you would stop them from being cheaters.

What's Going On Up There?

Dear Dr. Sadie,

I live in a lovely little apartment in a nice building in a nice neighborhood. My neighbors seem good, if quiet. The only problem is my upstairs neighbor. He's a 60-year old gentleman who lives alone. He generally keeps to himself, but about once a month, at three in the morning, he makes an incredible racket. 

I can't for the life of me figure out what the noise is, either. It sounds like a symphony of cats in heat being accompanied by chainsaws and a broken violin. It's really LOUD, too. I can't possibly sleep through it. Last month, the morning after it happened, I asked him, "everything all right up there?" and he responded, "all's well, sport. How are you?"

I'm both confused by the mystery of it all, and a little sleep deprived. It wouldn't be so bad if I knew when he was going to do it. Then I could arrange to sleep elsewhere. As it stands, I am on edge every night, and I'm dying of curiosity. What should I do, Dr. Sadie?

- Sleepless in Tacoma

Maybe you should tell him, "stop that noise!" Then he would say "all right," (Dr. Sadie shrugs her shoulders).

If you want to know what the noise is, you should ask your neighbor. You should say, "what is that noise and where did it come from?" And then he would tell you.