Who's The Father?

I have a friend who is pregnant, but she doesn't know who the father is. What should she do?

Signed,

Concerned Friend

She should name it Figgy. She can look for the daddy over there, behind the couch. Maybe she'll find him there. I think she should go drive to the park with her little sister, and they should go on the swings. And the monkey bars. And they should go on the slide. They should go on the merry go 'round. And the see-saw. Maybe they can go to a friend's house. Maybe the daddy will be there. His name is going to be Anna.

Where's the daddy? I think he's in the closet.