Saturday, September 28, 2013

To Cheat or Not to Cheat

Dear Dr. Sadie,

I am a contestant in beauty pageants. I am really good, and I am starting to go to some very prestigious ones. I may even end up in Ms. America or Ms. Universe or another of the "big time" pageants pretty soon.

As I move into more and more high profile pageants, I have noticed that almost all of the other girls cheat. They do lots of little things that are against the rules, but no one seems to catch them. The judges don't even check. I was brought up to believe that cheaters never win and winners never cheat, but I'd hate to lose out on my lifelong dream due to someone else's unfair advantage. What should I do, Dr. Sadie? Cheat? Turn them in? Do nothing and hope that my natural beauty and talent shines through? Please help.

- Beauty Queen (almost)

Maybe you should tell the other girls, "if you cheat, I will tell the judges that you are cheating." If you do that, the cheating girls will all run away. Then you'll be all by yourself with the judges, and you will win the contest.

You could also tell the other girls not to cheat. You could say, "could you PLEASE not cheat anymore." Then they all say "OK," and they would stop cheating.

They might laugh at you, but at least you would stop them from being cheaters.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

What's Going On Up There?

Dear Dr. Sadie,

I live in a lovely little apartment in a nice building in a nice neighborhood. My neighbors seem good, if quiet. The only problem is my upstairs neighbor. He's a 60-year old gentleman who lives alone. He generally keeps to himself, but about once a month, at three in the morning, he makes an incredible racket. 

I can't for the life of me figure out what the noise is, either. It sounds like a symphony of cats in heat being accompanied by chainsaws and a broken violin. It's really LOUD, too. I can't possibly sleep through it. Last month, the morning after it happened, I asked him, "everything all right up there?" and he responded, "all's well, sport. How are you?"

I'm both confused by the mystery of it all, and a little sleep deprived. It wouldn't be so bad if I knew when he was going to do it. Then I could arrange to sleep elsewhere. As it stands, I am on edge every night, and I'm dying of curiosity. What should I do, Dr. Sadie?

- Sleepless in Tacoma

Maybe you should tell him, "stop that noise!" Then he would say "all right," (Dr. Sadie shrugs her shoulders).

If you want to know what the noise is, you should ask your neighbor. You should say, "what is that noise and where did it come from?" And then he would tell you.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

A Rich Man's Problems

Dear Dr. Sadie,

I have a unique problem - one that lots of people would love to have. I won the lottery. I just learned that I'm going to be taking home $47 million next month. This is great, especially when you consider that I'd been laid off for the last year.

Unfortunately, nearly everyone I know has started asking me for money. My siblings want to set up college funds for their kids, my parents want me to buy them a condo in Hawaii. Even cousins that I haven't spoken to in years have their hands out. At this rate, I'll be broke again before you know it.

What should I do?

- Moneybags

Hide all the money so they can't find it. Then when they want the money, you can say, "well, I really don't have that much money, because I used all the money to buy a ball gown." Then you can take SOME of the money and give it to whoever you want, but you can keep most of the money. You can give away eight dollars and keep the rest. Your relatives can share the eight dollars.