Dear Dr. Sadie,
I'm a 55 year old woman. I have 4 beautiful children. The are getting married and having children of their own. I have a big, wonderful family, and I couldn't be happier. We come together for holidays, and it's wonderful.
Several years ago, I found a recipe for chocolate cake in a magazine. I made the cake, and my family LOVED it. I told a white lie, and said that I had come up with the recipe on my own. I'm not sure why I did that, as I'm a generally honest person. Unfortunately, the cake became "a thing." I am asked to make it at every holiday and for extended family gatherings. A niece even asked me to make a dozen of them for a wedding.
Now my oldest son is encouraging me to enter the recipe in a prestigious baking contest. I don't want to do this for obvious reasons. How do I get out of it? Do I come clean after all these years? Do I just cry modesty?
- Betty Crock-of-you-know-what
Maybe you should say, "guys, I really don't want to do this. I want to have this recipe just for us at the holidays. I will bake it for your birthdays, but it's just for us."
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
A Hairy Situation
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I really hate getting my hair cut. The sound of the scissors near my ears drives me nuts, and I mourn as all the little hairs flitter to the floor. I feel like I'm losing a part of me.
I haven't had a haircut in 15 years. My hair has gotten so long and out of control that I sometimes step on it when I walk. What should I do?
- Rapunzel
Maybe you should ask the barbs, the people who work at the hair shop, to not cut your ears. Maybe you could put some yellow dye into your hair and then put red dye in your hair, and then you could put white letters in your hair that say "stop cutting by my ears."
I really hate getting my hair cut. The sound of the scissors near my ears drives me nuts, and I mourn as all the little hairs flitter to the floor. I feel like I'm losing a part of me.
I haven't had a haircut in 15 years. My hair has gotten so long and out of control that I sometimes step on it when I walk. What should I do?
- Rapunzel
Maybe you should ask the barbs, the people who work at the hair shop, to not cut your ears. Maybe you could put some yellow dye into your hair and then put red dye in your hair, and then you could put white letters in your hair that say "stop cutting by my ears."
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Channeling Martha Stewart
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I have been saving my money for years, and I'm finally able to buy my dream home. Do you have any decorating tips for me?
- Excited First-Timer
Yeah! Maybe you could put up a big flower bouquet on the ceiling. You could put glittering snowflakes on the floor. You could ask your husband if he wants to go with you to JoAn's fabrics to get some ribbons and lace. You could hang them up with the flower bouquets.
You could try to make the house look like Dorothy's house. You could make a cardboard house outside, and all the kids could come and use their imaginations to make it fun. Everyone is invited. In our house, we don't say, "you can't play."
I have been saving my money for years, and I'm finally able to buy my dream home. Do you have any decorating tips for me?
- Excited First-Timer
Yeah! Maybe you could put up a big flower bouquet on the ceiling. You could put glittering snowflakes on the floor. You could ask your husband if he wants to go with you to JoAn's fabrics to get some ribbons and lace. You could hang them up with the flower bouquets.
You could try to make the house look like Dorothy's house. You could make a cardboard house outside, and all the kids could come and use their imaginations to make it fun. Everyone is invited. In our house, we don't say, "you can't play."
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Unwanted Nickname
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I am in the 4th grade. My teacher, Mr. Johnson, is very nice, but also very old. He sometimes forgets things, and we have to remind him of things all the time - things like when it's time to go to lunch or gym or the bus. Mostly it's all right, but he also forgets my name.
Actually, he forgets all of our names. He just calls everyone "Charlie." I really don't like being called Charlie. My name is Jennifer. How do I get him to stop?
- Not Charlie
You should tell him everyone's name. You need to remind him over and over and over again. You could say, "this one's name is Maggie," and he would say, "I'm sorry, Maggie."
If you keep telling him over and over, he will remember. When I'm in pre-school, I sometimes forget what my job is - like whether I'm the line leader or the caboose. The caboose is the end of the line, and the leader is at the front, but the teacher is in front of the line leader. When I forget my job, I tell the teacher I forgot, and she tells someone to go to the morning meeting spot (where we usually read books in the morning), and they check to see what my job is.
You could write down what the kids' actual names are, then whenever the teacher has trouble figuring out the names, he could go to where he keeps that piece of paper, he would remember the names.
I am in the 4th grade. My teacher, Mr. Johnson, is very nice, but also very old. He sometimes forgets things, and we have to remind him of things all the time - things like when it's time to go to lunch or gym or the bus. Mostly it's all right, but he also forgets my name.
Actually, he forgets all of our names. He just calls everyone "Charlie." I really don't like being called Charlie. My name is Jennifer. How do I get him to stop?
- Not Charlie
You should tell him everyone's name. You need to remind him over and over and over again. You could say, "this one's name is Maggie," and he would say, "I'm sorry, Maggie."
If you keep telling him over and over, he will remember. When I'm in pre-school, I sometimes forget what my job is - like whether I'm the line leader or the caboose. The caboose is the end of the line, and the leader is at the front, but the teacher is in front of the line leader. When I forget my job, I tell the teacher I forgot, and she tells someone to go to the morning meeting spot (where we usually read books in the morning), and they check to see what my job is.
You could write down what the kids' actual names are, then whenever the teacher has trouble figuring out the names, he could go to where he keeps that piece of paper, he would remember the names.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Fitting In
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I work internationally. For the next six months, I am stationed in a very remote area in a country most people have never heard of. It's quite rustic. There's no electricity in my town. There's no indoor plumbing. It's like stepping back in time. I'm fine with all of it, and I'm enjoying getting to know the people and the local customs. It's very important that I am accepted by the locals and that I build relationships.
The problem is the food. There is a local dish that everyone eats. It's considered a very important part of the local culture. People take pride in how well they cook it, and recipes are handed down through generations. Unfortunately, it's awful. It's made of something I would never consider eating. It smells like the inside of a barn, and it tastes even worse. After eating it, I feel sick for a week. Unfortunately, as a new person to the town, whenever I am invited to someone's house, they make this dish for me and expect me to eat it enthusiastically. To refuse it is very insulting, and it would make my work much more difficult.
What should I do?
- Delicate Stomach
Maybe you should say "I want to go to another part of this place where they don't have this food." You should find someone else to do this job. Maybe you could ask my Uncle Baba (ed. note - Dr. Sadie's Uncle, who is an international relief worker). He could do the job really well, and he would eat the food.
When I don't like something that's offered to me, I say, "that's not my favorite," which is nicer than "I don't like that food." I really don't like sweet potato and winter squash. I get sick for a week, too, if I eat them. If someone tries to give me sweet potato or winter squash, I say, "no thank you. That's not my favorite."
I work internationally. For the next six months, I am stationed in a very remote area in a country most people have never heard of. It's quite rustic. There's no electricity in my town. There's no indoor plumbing. It's like stepping back in time. I'm fine with all of it, and I'm enjoying getting to know the people and the local customs. It's very important that I am accepted by the locals and that I build relationships.
The problem is the food. There is a local dish that everyone eats. It's considered a very important part of the local culture. People take pride in how well they cook it, and recipes are handed down through generations. Unfortunately, it's awful. It's made of something I would never consider eating. It smells like the inside of a barn, and it tastes even worse. After eating it, I feel sick for a week. Unfortunately, as a new person to the town, whenever I am invited to someone's house, they make this dish for me and expect me to eat it enthusiastically. To refuse it is very insulting, and it would make my work much more difficult.
What should I do?
- Delicate Stomach
Maybe you should say "I want to go to another part of this place where they don't have this food." You should find someone else to do this job. Maybe you could ask my Uncle Baba (ed. note - Dr. Sadie's Uncle, who is an international relief worker). He could do the job really well, and he would eat the food.
When I don't like something that's offered to me, I say, "that's not my favorite," which is nicer than "I don't like that food." I really don't like sweet potato and winter squash. I get sick for a week, too, if I eat them. If someone tries to give me sweet potato or winter squash, I say, "no thank you. That's not my favorite."
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Teenage Wasteland
Dear Dr. Sadie,
My 17 year old son is a high school drop out. He's not interested in anything. He sleeps until noon every day and spends every day on the couch, watching TV and playing video games. He has no ambition.
I want him to get a job. What kind of job do you suggest for such a lazy kid?
- Concerned Mom
He should work in a bank. Then he would get lots of money. I think he would like money. When you work in a bank, you give money to lend to people, and then they give it back. Mr. Banks was keeping the money and not giving it away. Mr. Banks is a character from the Jane and Michael movie (ed. note: Mary Poppins). If your son works in a bank, he should lend the money to people. Then he won't get fired.
He might also get fired if he brought children to the bank. Don't ever bring children to a bank. Children shouldn't work. They should stay home and play and go to school, unless they're doing home school. It's important for children to learn new things. New things might be important.
Jane and Michael were very naughty kids. They ran away from the nannies, because they were mean. They ran away from their mom and dad, because THEY were mean, too. But then Mary Poppins made it funnier and funnier when the nannies and parents were mean, so Jane and Michael learned how to be nice, not mean. Maybe Mary Poppins could teach your son not to be lazy. But Mary Poppins isn't real. Maybe someone else could teach him. I'm not lazy. Sometimes I'm lazy in the morning because I want to sleep more, but other than that, I'm not lazy.
My 17 year old son is a high school drop out. He's not interested in anything. He sleeps until noon every day and spends every day on the couch, watching TV and playing video games. He has no ambition.
I want him to get a job. What kind of job do you suggest for such a lazy kid?
- Concerned Mom
He should work in a bank. Then he would get lots of money. I think he would like money. When you work in a bank, you give money to lend to people, and then they give it back. Mr. Banks was keeping the money and not giving it away. Mr. Banks is a character from the Jane and Michael movie (ed. note: Mary Poppins). If your son works in a bank, he should lend the money to people. Then he won't get fired.
He might also get fired if he brought children to the bank. Don't ever bring children to a bank. Children shouldn't work. They should stay home and play and go to school, unless they're doing home school. It's important for children to learn new things. New things might be important.
Jane and Michael were very naughty kids. They ran away from the nannies, because they were mean. They ran away from their mom and dad, because THEY were mean, too. But then Mary Poppins made it funnier and funnier when the nannies and parents were mean, so Jane and Michael learned how to be nice, not mean. Maybe Mary Poppins could teach your son not to be lazy. But Mary Poppins isn't real. Maybe someone else could teach him. I'm not lazy. Sometimes I'm lazy in the morning because I want to sleep more, but other than that, I'm not lazy.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Water Cooler Proposal
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I work with someone who's sweet on me. I just think he's sweet...What should I do?
-Heartbreaker
Maybe you should say, "no. I want to marry someone else. I don't want to get married. I just don't want to date anybody."
Maybe you should tell the man, "I'm just not going to date right now." Then he would find another woman in the office that he really, really liked, and he would marry her.
I work with someone who's sweet on me. I just think he's sweet...What should I do?
-Heartbreaker
Maybe you should say, "no. I want to marry someone else. I don't want to get married. I just don't want to date anybody."
Maybe you should tell the man, "I'm just not going to date right now." Then he would find another woman in the office that he really, really liked, and he would marry her.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
To Cheat or Not to Cheat
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I am a contestant in beauty pageants. I am really good, and I am starting to go to some very prestigious ones. I may even end up in Ms. America or Ms. Universe or another of the "big time" pageants pretty soon.
As I move into more and more high profile pageants, I have noticed that almost all of the other girls cheat. They do lots of little things that are against the rules, but no one seems to catch them. The judges don't even check. I was brought up to believe that cheaters never win and winners never cheat, but I'd hate to lose out on my lifelong dream due to someone else's unfair advantage. What should I do, Dr. Sadie? Cheat? Turn them in? Do nothing and hope that my natural beauty and talent shines through? Please help.
- Beauty Queen (almost)
Maybe you should tell the other girls, "if you cheat, I will tell the judges that you are cheating." If you do that, the cheating girls will all run away. Then you'll be all by yourself with the judges, and you will win the contest.
You could also tell the other girls not to cheat. You could say, "could you PLEASE not cheat anymore." Then they all say "OK," and they would stop cheating.
They might laugh at you, but at least you would stop them from being cheaters.
I am a contestant in beauty pageants. I am really good, and I am starting to go to some very prestigious ones. I may even end up in Ms. America or Ms. Universe or another of the "big time" pageants pretty soon.
As I move into more and more high profile pageants, I have noticed that almost all of the other girls cheat. They do lots of little things that are against the rules, but no one seems to catch them. The judges don't even check. I was brought up to believe that cheaters never win and winners never cheat, but I'd hate to lose out on my lifelong dream due to someone else's unfair advantage. What should I do, Dr. Sadie? Cheat? Turn them in? Do nothing and hope that my natural beauty and talent shines through? Please help.
- Beauty Queen (almost)
Maybe you should tell the other girls, "if you cheat, I will tell the judges that you are cheating." If you do that, the cheating girls will all run away. Then you'll be all by yourself with the judges, and you will win the contest.
You could also tell the other girls not to cheat. You could say, "could you PLEASE not cheat anymore." Then they all say "OK," and they would stop cheating.
They might laugh at you, but at least you would stop them from being cheaters.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
What's Going On Up There?
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I live in a lovely little apartment in a nice building in a nice neighborhood. My neighbors seem good, if quiet. The only problem is my upstairs neighbor. He's a 60-year old gentleman who lives alone. He generally keeps to himself, but about once a month, at three in the morning, he makes an incredible racket.
I can't for the life of me figure out what the noise is, either. It sounds like a symphony of cats in heat being accompanied by chainsaws and a broken violin. It's really LOUD, too. I can't possibly sleep through it. Last month, the morning after it happened, I asked him, "everything all right up there?" and he responded, "all's well, sport. How are you?"
I'm both confused by the mystery of it all, and a little sleep deprived. It wouldn't be so bad if I knew when he was going to do it. Then I could arrange to sleep elsewhere. As it stands, I am on edge every night, and I'm dying of curiosity. What should I do, Dr. Sadie?
- Sleepless in Tacoma
Maybe you should tell him, "stop that noise!" Then he would say "all right," (Dr. Sadie shrugs her shoulders).
If you want to know what the noise is, you should ask your neighbor. You should say, "what is that noise and where did it come from?" And then he would tell you.
I live in a lovely little apartment in a nice building in a nice neighborhood. My neighbors seem good, if quiet. The only problem is my upstairs neighbor. He's a 60-year old gentleman who lives alone. He generally keeps to himself, but about once a month, at three in the morning, he makes an incredible racket.
I can't for the life of me figure out what the noise is, either. It sounds like a symphony of cats in heat being accompanied by chainsaws and a broken violin. It's really LOUD, too. I can't possibly sleep through it. Last month, the morning after it happened, I asked him, "everything all right up there?" and he responded, "all's well, sport. How are you?"
I'm both confused by the mystery of it all, and a little sleep deprived. It wouldn't be so bad if I knew when he was going to do it. Then I could arrange to sleep elsewhere. As it stands, I am on edge every night, and I'm dying of curiosity. What should I do, Dr. Sadie?
- Sleepless in Tacoma
Maybe you should tell him, "stop that noise!" Then he would say "all right," (Dr. Sadie shrugs her shoulders).
If you want to know what the noise is, you should ask your neighbor. You should say, "what is that noise and where did it come from?" And then he would tell you.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
A Rich Man's Problems
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I have a unique problem - one that lots of people would love to have. I won the lottery. I just learned that I'm going to be taking home $47 million next month. This is great, especially when you consider that I'd been laid off for the last year.
Unfortunately, nearly everyone I know has started asking me for money. My siblings want to set up college funds for their kids, my parents want me to buy them a condo in Hawaii. Even cousins that I haven't spoken to in years have their hands out. At this rate, I'll be broke again before you know it.
What should I do?
- Moneybags
Hide all the money so they can't find it. Then when they want the money, you can say, "well, I really don't have that much money, because I used all the money to buy a ball gown." Then you can take SOME of the money and give it to whoever you want, but you can keep most of the money. You can give away eight dollars and keep the rest. Your relatives can share the eight dollars.
I have a unique problem - one that lots of people would love to have. I won the lottery. I just learned that I'm going to be taking home $47 million next month. This is great, especially when you consider that I'd been laid off for the last year.
Unfortunately, nearly everyone I know has started asking me for money. My siblings want to set up college funds for their kids, my parents want me to buy them a condo in Hawaii. Even cousins that I haven't spoken to in years have their hands out. At this rate, I'll be broke again before you know it.
What should I do?
- Moneybags
Hide all the money so they can't find it. Then when they want the money, you can say, "well, I really don't have that much money, because I used all the money to buy a ball gown." Then you can take SOME of the money and give it to whoever you want, but you can keep most of the money. You can give away eight dollars and keep the rest. Your relatives can share the eight dollars.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
World Weary at 4 Years Old
Dear Dr. Sadie,
As I watch the news, I get so depressed. The situation in Syria, hydrofracking, the stubborn economy, the environment and even Miley Cyrus' inappropriate dancing have me wondering what's happening with the world. How can I remain happy and optimistic in a world gone crazy?
- Had it Up to Here
Just don't do the things that are making you sad. Find some people who want to be friends.
When I'm feeling sad, I go up to a grown-up, teenager or big kid, and I say, "I'm really sad about something." They ask what happened, and they come and fix it. Then I ask them for Booboo Baby and Eegah (ed. note: stuffed animals), and it's all better.
As I watch the news, I get so depressed. The situation in Syria, hydrofracking, the stubborn economy, the environment and even Miley Cyrus' inappropriate dancing have me wondering what's happening with the world. How can I remain happy and optimistic in a world gone crazy?
- Had it Up to Here
Just don't do the things that are making you sad. Find some people who want to be friends.
When I'm feeling sad, I go up to a grown-up, teenager or big kid, and I say, "I'm really sad about something." They ask what happened, and they come and fix it. Then I ask them for Booboo Baby and Eegah (ed. note: stuffed animals), and it's all better.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Reggae got Shampoo?
Dear Dr. Sadie,
After keeping my hair short for the past few years, it's time to let it grow again. I want lush, long, beautiful hair that is soft and smells nice. Like you, I'm a gal who likes to explore, have adventures, work hard and sometimes play in the dirt. The problem is that my hair gets so messy and tangled that it hurts to brush it. Instead of silky locks I have ratty knots. How in the world do you manage to keep your hair so lovely when you are such a lively young lady? Please pass on your secrets to a girl in need of some beauty advice.
-Dreading dreadlocks
Well, I just try not to play that hard in the dirt. I mostly play inside.
When I clean my hair, I pour the bucket over my head. The bucket is full of water and sometimes suds, because the bath is full of suds.
It's important not to pour dirt over your head.
Sometimes my hair tangles and sometimes it doesn't. I don't like to brush my hair so much, but it keeps my hair nice and tidy.
I think you should wash your hair in the morning and at night.
After keeping my hair short for the past few years, it's time to let it grow again. I want lush, long, beautiful hair that is soft and smells nice. Like you, I'm a gal who likes to explore, have adventures, work hard and sometimes play in the dirt. The problem is that my hair gets so messy and tangled that it hurts to brush it. Instead of silky locks I have ratty knots. How in the world do you manage to keep your hair so lovely when you are such a lively young lady? Please pass on your secrets to a girl in need of some beauty advice.
-Dreading dreadlocks
Well, I just try not to play that hard in the dirt. I mostly play inside.
When I clean my hair, I pour the bucket over my head. The bucket is full of water and sometimes suds, because the bath is full of suds.
It's important not to pour dirt over your head.
Sometimes my hair tangles and sometimes it doesn't. I don't like to brush my hair so much, but it keeps my hair nice and tidy.
I think you should wash your hair in the morning and at night.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Star Struck
Dear Dr. Sadie,
What is a good way to become a movie star?
-Star Struck
You need to be in movies a lot and get good at it. After that, you become a movie star. Once you're a big movie star, you'll be in movies ALL THE TIME (Dr. Sadie shakes her hands out very wide).
It's great to be a movie star. If I were a movie star, I'd be in Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. I'd like to be Flint Lockwood, and I'd get to meet Sam Sparks. I'd love to meet her. She's so cool - she works in the weather news TV thingy. I love weather reports.
When you're a movie star you get to be in a really good column, and you get to sing songs in movies. You could sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or Princess Comes Home.
(singing)
Janya, Janya Princess comes home.
Here's the unicorn.
Janya, Janya Let's go home.
So she rides the unicorn home.
Shoot your star in the sky.
It's so shiny and beautiful.
La la la la la.
Another good way to be a movie star is to be a special shape - you know, like a movie star shaped person. (Dr. Sadie strikes a "glamorous" pose.)
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Get Bitten Here and Get Gas
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I have a rather embarrassing problem. I get really gassy at bedtime. My gas isn't noisy but oh boy they are stinky! The worst part about it is that I share my room! My roommate says that she doesn't notice, but I think she's just being nice. She usually lights incense at night, and I just know she's trying to get rid of the smell. What should I do?
-Tootin' Tonight
You could lie on your tummy. When I lie on my tummy and watch Busytown Mysteries, it makes my gas go away, and I feel much better.
Some bugs cause gas. It would have to be a mosquito to make gas. That's the only kind of bug that I've heard that makes gas in tummies. Even rabbits get mosquito gas. If you have mosquito gas, the way to get rid of it is to drink ginger ale. That makes your tummy feel better.
I have a rather embarrassing problem. I get really gassy at bedtime. My gas isn't noisy but oh boy they are stinky! The worst part about it is that I share my room! My roommate says that she doesn't notice, but I think she's just being nice. She usually lights incense at night, and I just know she's trying to get rid of the smell. What should I do?
-Tootin' Tonight
You could lie on your tummy. When I lie on my tummy and watch Busytown Mysteries, it makes my gas go away, and I feel much better.
Some bugs cause gas. It would have to be a mosquito to make gas. That's the only kind of bug that I've heard that makes gas in tummies. Even rabbits get mosquito gas. If you have mosquito gas, the way to get rid of it is to drink ginger ale. That makes your tummy feel better.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Thank you, Peter Sagal
Editor's note: Peter Sagal thanked Dr. Sadie in his Twitter Feed. Dr. Sadie was very happy about that. She said, "you're welcome, Peter Sagal."
https://twitter.com/
https://twitter.com/
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Old Friends
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I recently packed up all my stuff and moved far away to volunteer in a poor community. I'm too far away to visit all the people I love and I'm missing them very much. But I also love working here, the new people I'm with, the rural area in the mountains, and the lifestyle. It's likely that I'll be staying here for a long time because I'm very happy but I'm sad that I won't be able to see everyone I love. Dr. Sadie, how can I continue searching for happiness in new places when I have to leave my friends and family behind?
-Traveling without you
You could write a letter to your friends and family. You could say, "I want to visit you. I will come up as soon as I'm finished with this work." And you could say, "hello." Then you could draw a picture of yourself and send it to your friends and family.
You could move to a different house nearer to your friends and family. They would like that.
You could make cardboard mobiles and then pass them out. These would be cardboard bears. You could send them to the people that you love.
If you're homesick, you could visit people. That sounds nice to me.
I recently packed up all my stuff and moved far away to volunteer in a poor community. I'm too far away to visit all the people I love and I'm missing them very much. But I also love working here, the new people I'm with, the rural area in the mountains, and the lifestyle. It's likely that I'll be staying here for a long time because I'm very happy but I'm sad that I won't be able to see everyone I love. Dr. Sadie, how can I continue searching for happiness in new places when I have to leave my friends and family behind?
-Traveling without you
You could write a letter to your friends and family. You could say, "I want to visit you. I will come up as soon as I'm finished with this work." And you could say, "hello." Then you could draw a picture of yourself and send it to your friends and family.
You could move to a different house nearer to your friends and family. They would like that.
You could make cardboard mobiles and then pass them out. These would be cardboard bears. You could send them to the people that you love.
If you're homesick, you could visit people. That sounds nice to me.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Seeking a Higher Authority
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I am a graduate student, pursuing a doctorate in astrophysics. My thesis is so complex that there are only a few people in the world who understand the question, let alone can meaningfully contribute to the answer. I have no one to talk to about this.
Tell me, Dr. Sadie. Do you know any people smart enought I could talk with?
- Lonely
You could talk with someone at the Montshire Museum. They know all about planets and stuff.
My Mama knows someone really smart. She might know everything. She works with Mama.
Peter Sagal is really smart. He's the smartest person I know. He would definitely understand astrophysics.
I am a graduate student, pursuing a doctorate in astrophysics. My thesis is so complex that there are only a few people in the world who understand the question, let alone can meaningfully contribute to the answer. I have no one to talk to about this.
Tell me, Dr. Sadie. Do you know any people smart enought I could talk with?
- Lonely
You could talk with someone at the Montshire Museum. They know all about planets and stuff.
My Mama knows someone really smart. She might know everything. She works with Mama.
Peter Sagal is really smart. He's the smartest person I know. He would definitely understand astrophysics.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
I Sell Cars, Not My Soul
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I sell cars. I'm really good at it. I've sold lots of cars to lots of people. Usually they end up with a good car that meets their needs, and everyone walks away from the transaction feeling good about it.
Recently, my bosses have started asking us to "upsell" more and more. I have to ask people to buy cars that really don't fit them. Many people have left and mentioned that they were long time customers, but won't be coming back. I'm starting to hate it.
I'd like to get out of this industry to do something else, but I'm not sure what I can do. What can a 40 year old car salesman do for an encore career, Dr. Sadie?
- Sold Out
You could just go home and play car sale. Or maybe you could sell some of your old toys.
You could be a firefighter. I love watching the firefighter show. When you're a firefighter, you get to save other people. That's a good thing. What if people got on fire? Then you could save them.
If you can't be a firefighter, you could be a police officer. Then you could help people cross the road.
I sell cars. I'm really good at it. I've sold lots of cars to lots of people. Usually they end up with a good car that meets their needs, and everyone walks away from the transaction feeling good about it.
Recently, my bosses have started asking us to "upsell" more and more. I have to ask people to buy cars that really don't fit them. Many people have left and mentioned that they were long time customers, but won't be coming back. I'm starting to hate it.
I'd like to get out of this industry to do something else, but I'm not sure what I can do. What can a 40 year old car salesman do for an encore career, Dr. Sadie?
- Sold Out
You could just go home and play car sale. Or maybe you could sell some of your old toys.
You could be a firefighter. I love watching the firefighter show. When you're a firefighter, you get to save other people. That's a good thing. What if people got on fire? Then you could save them.
If you can't be a firefighter, you could be a police officer. Then you could help people cross the road.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
What to Wear
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I am a poor college student (male). I was recently invited to a fancy, dress-up wedding, but I don't have any appropriate clothes for the occasion. I also don't have much money.
What should I wear that's fancy, but also won't cost a lot of money?
- Poor, but Stylish
You should wear a tuxedo. You should go to the clothing store and look for a tuxedo that doesn't cost a lot of money. You could look for one that costs two dollars. That's not much money at all. You could also wear a rose on it. You could also wear some daisies, daffodils and lilies. You should wear some shoes - the kind that my Dada wears for work (editor's note - loafers). You should wear some jewelry. What kind of jewelry? Probably a necklace or a bracelet or something like that.
I am a poor college student (male). I was recently invited to a fancy, dress-up wedding, but I don't have any appropriate clothes for the occasion. I also don't have much money.
What should I wear that's fancy, but also won't cost a lot of money?
- Poor, but Stylish
You should wear a tuxedo. You should go to the clothing store and look for a tuxedo that doesn't cost a lot of money. You could look for one that costs two dollars. That's not much money at all. You could also wear a rose on it. You could also wear some daisies, daffodils and lilies. You should wear some shoes - the kind that my Dada wears for work (editor's note - loafers). You should wear some jewelry. What kind of jewelry? Probably a necklace or a bracelet or something like that.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Stinky Mother-in-Law
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I am blessed with a wonderful, understanding and caring mother-in-law. She accepted me from the minute I got together with her son, and we've been close ever since. She's actually nicer than my own mother.
My problem is that she wears perfume - lots of perfume. I think she must bathe in it. Every time I see her, I have to take a shower right after, and I wash my clothes immediately. I generally have a headache for several hours afterwards, as well.
Under normal circumstances, it's fine (a small price to pay), but she's coming to stay with us for a month. How do I get her to stop wearing perfume or at least tone it down a little?
- The Sniffer
You should say, "would you please get off that thing?" Then she might say, "can I wear it a little bit longer?" Then you can say, "you can wear it when you get home." I think that would work.
I am blessed with a wonderful, understanding and caring mother-in-law. She accepted me from the minute I got together with her son, and we've been close ever since. She's actually nicer than my own mother.
My problem is that she wears perfume - lots of perfume. I think she must bathe in it. Every time I see her, I have to take a shower right after, and I wash my clothes immediately. I generally have a headache for several hours afterwards, as well.
Under normal circumstances, it's fine (a small price to pay), but she's coming to stay with us for a month. How do I get her to stop wearing perfume or at least tone it down a little?
- The Sniffer
You should say, "would you please get off that thing?" Then she might say, "can I wear it a little bit longer?" Then you can say, "you can wear it when you get home." I think that would work.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Mrs. Fido?
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I have a very strange problem. I am single and dating. I meet nice men, and we go out. I have a very nice time, but I don't think I've met "the one" yet. The reason I know this is that there isn't a man out there with whom I'd like to spend time more than I want to spend time with my dog. My dog is wonderful - friendly, loyal, fun. He lights up when he sees me, and he just loves the things I love doing - going for hikes, curling up on the couch to watch old movies, and eating yummy foods.
I'm not crazy, and I'd never think that I am in a relationship with my pooch. Still, how can I have a meaningful relationship with a man when every single one of them pales in comparison to my wonderful dog, Skippy?
- Skippy's "Mommy"
You could just not get married, like I'm not going to get married. There are some people out there who don't want to get married. I don't want to get married because I think that my husband or my wife would make rules, and I don't want to have rules in my house. Does your dog make rules?
If you want to get married, then you could go around the world and ask lots of men or women if they want to get married to you. You could ask them lots of questions, and they could ask you lots of questions, and you would learn if they are "the one" or not.
You should definitely keep the dog.
I have a very strange problem. I am single and dating. I meet nice men, and we go out. I have a very nice time, but I don't think I've met "the one" yet. The reason I know this is that there isn't a man out there with whom I'd like to spend time more than I want to spend time with my dog. My dog is wonderful - friendly, loyal, fun. He lights up when he sees me, and he just loves the things I love doing - going for hikes, curling up on the couch to watch old movies, and eating yummy foods.
I'm not crazy, and I'd never think that I am in a relationship with my pooch. Still, how can I have a meaningful relationship with a man when every single one of them pales in comparison to my wonderful dog, Skippy?
- Skippy's "Mommy"
You could just not get married, like I'm not going to get married. There are some people out there who don't want to get married. I don't want to get married because I think that my husband or my wife would make rules, and I don't want to have rules in my house. Does your dog make rules?
If you want to get married, then you could go around the world and ask lots of men or women if they want to get married to you. You could ask them lots of questions, and they could ask you lots of questions, and you would learn if they are "the one" or not.
You should definitely keep the dog.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
A Complicated Life
Dear Dr. Sadie,
My life is very complicated. I am from a small island, but I moved to a larger part of the country for work. Recently, I met a man while away from home. I was interested to get to know him better and spend some time with him, even though we don't live in the same city. I really like him, and I was prepared to deal with the long distance, but, during a trip back home, I realized that I don't know any couples who are still doing well. They are all fighting and cheating on each other.
I broke up with my last boyfriend because he was always lying to me. The breakup really broke my heart. This realization is making me sad about the possibilities of a new relationship working out. I really like this guy, but I am scared. I don't want to give my heart to someone, only to have it broken again.
What do you think, Dr. Sadie?
- An Island Woman
I think that you should move back to the island and meet a boyfriend there. Then you will be able to have a good boyfriend instead of a bad one. The good boyfriend wouldn't cheat on you or lie to you or do anything like that.
If it would make you feel better, I will bake you a cookie - chocolate chip of course. Would you like that?
If you move back to the island, you shouldn't work anymore. You should go to school to study something. School is much better than work. What do you want to learn?
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I am 12 years old, and I am about to go into middle school. I have a lot of friends in my school, and we're looking forward to going to the middle school together.
Yesterday, my parents told me that they have enrolled me in a different middle school in another town. I don't know anyone there, and I don't want to go. What should I do?
- No Choices
When you're all grown up, you can take your kids to the middle school you like. I think right now you can sneak back to the school you like, or, maybe you can do home schooling.
You can say "Mommy and Daddy, can I PLEASE go to the other school." Then they would say "Well, honey. Maybe." This means that maybe you can go to the school, but maybe not.
If you do go to the new school, you should introduce yourself to the new kids, and they should introduce themselves to you, and then you'll be friends. Then you can play with friends. That's what you do in school - play all day.
I am 12 years old, and I am about to go into middle school. I have a lot of friends in my school, and we're looking forward to going to the middle school together.
Yesterday, my parents told me that they have enrolled me in a different middle school in another town. I don't know anyone there, and I don't want to go. What should I do?
- No Choices
When you're all grown up, you can take your kids to the middle school you like. I think right now you can sneak back to the school you like, or, maybe you can do home schooling.
You can say "Mommy and Daddy, can I PLEASE go to the other school." Then they would say "Well, honey. Maybe." This means that maybe you can go to the school, but maybe not.
If you do go to the new school, you should introduce yourself to the new kids, and they should introduce themselves to you, and then you'll be friends. Then you can play with friends. That's what you do in school - play all day.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
A Challenge
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I read your column often. I like your practical advice.
I have been wondering, though, if you've ever received a question that was so hard you couldn't answer it. If so, what was it?
- A Curious Colleague
The trickiest question was the one where she was going to get engaged to a man that wasn't very good. It was tricky because she needed to marry someone else. It's really hard when a wife wants to marry a groom that's very good.
It's very important to marry someone who is good because a bad groom might hit you. No one wants to marry a bad groom. Well, I suppose a bad wife can marry a bad groom. That would be OK. Then they get together, and they wouldn't hit each other. They would get along together.
I read your column often. I like your practical advice.
I have been wondering, though, if you've ever received a question that was so hard you couldn't answer it. If so, what was it?
- A Curious Colleague
The trickiest question was the one where she was going to get engaged to a man that wasn't very good. It was tricky because she needed to marry someone else. It's really hard when a wife wants to marry a groom that's very good.
It's very important to marry someone who is good because a bad groom might hit you. No one wants to marry a bad groom. Well, I suppose a bad wife can marry a bad groom. That would be OK. Then they get together, and they wouldn't hit each other. They would get along together.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Where in the world?
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I am a 35 year old special education teacher. I live in a small town in Iowa, where I grew up. I married my high school sweetheart. I've never been anywhere, mostly because I never felt the need. My life was seemingly idyllic.
It turns out that my husband has been cheating on me for years and the town's factory is closing, which means a mass exodus. I find myself in a unique situation - I have nothing left to lose, and, due to my job qualifications, I can go anywhere in the world.
I've never been anywhere, Dr. Sadie. Where should I go?
- Wanderlust
I know what you can do. In the middle of the night, you can unlock the door to your father's shop, so there will be some jobs. Of course, you'll have to that from California, because it's going to be a VERY long key.
I know where you should go - to West South Africa. It is very hot. That's very nice.
On your way out, you should dump water all over the factory.
I am a 35 year old special education teacher. I live in a small town in Iowa, where I grew up. I married my high school sweetheart. I've never been anywhere, mostly because I never felt the need. My life was seemingly idyllic.
It turns out that my husband has been cheating on me for years and the town's factory is closing, which means a mass exodus. I find myself in a unique situation - I have nothing left to lose, and, due to my job qualifications, I can go anywhere in the world.
I've never been anywhere, Dr. Sadie. Where should I go?
- Wanderlust
I know what you can do. In the middle of the night, you can unlock the door to your father's shop, so there will be some jobs. Of course, you'll have to that from California, because it's going to be a VERY long key.
I know where you should go - to West South Africa. It is very hot. That's very nice.
On your way out, you should dump water all over the factory.
Monday, June 10, 2013
What about pneumonia?
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I have a house that's right next to a lake. Every morning, I wake up and drink my coffee out on the deck and look out at the lake. It's lovely, but I've been struck by a thought of late. It's quite cold each morning, and certainly damp, yet the ducks are out there, happily hunting for breakfast. I was wondering, why don't they get colds.
- Curious Bird-Watcher
Maybe because ducks have thick coats of duck fur. I mean like thick feathers. That helps them not get sick.
When the feathers fall off, the duck gets sick, but when the feathers stay on, the duck isn't sick. The feathers keep them nice and warm when it's cold out.
I have a house that's right next to a lake. Every morning, I wake up and drink my coffee out on the deck and look out at the lake. It's lovely, but I've been struck by a thought of late. It's quite cold each morning, and certainly damp, yet the ducks are out there, happily hunting for breakfast. I was wondering, why don't they get colds.
- Curious Bird-Watcher
Maybe because ducks have thick coats of duck fur. I mean like thick feathers. That helps them not get sick.
When the feathers fall off, the duck gets sick, but when the feathers stay on, the duck isn't sick. The feathers keep them nice and warm when it's cold out.
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Tame the Lions or the Children
Dear Dr. Sadie,
Ever since I was a small child, I have always wanted to run away and join the circus. Specifically, I have wanted to be a lion tamer. Through a series of life's happenings, parental expectations and innate talent sets, I ended up going to college and becoming an accountant.
I just passed my 35th birthday. I am married to a great woman. We get along well and we truly love each other. We have 3 great kids, aged 9, 6 and 2. They are the loves of my life. I had all but forgotten my dream of lion taming until I saw an ad in the paper. Not only is the circus in town, but they're looking for a lion tamer.
If I apply for the job and take it, it would mean a rather large reduction in pay. My family would have to move to a much, much smaller house and have to make some radical lifestyle adjustments. I would also be on the road 10 months out of the year, and I would miss a lot of the good stuff about being a husband and father.
But a lifelong dream is a lifelong dream, right? Help me, Dr. Sadie.
- Lions or Love?
Well, if they want to move to a very small house, they can if they want to. Of course you should be a lion tamer, because it's what you want to do. Your family can move to the small house, and you'll still see them sometimes. I'm sure you'll come back, sometimes.
You have to go where there's lots of lions to be a lion tamer. Maybe you should go to a hot place, like Arizona or the beach. There are lots of lions there. You'd better remember an umbrella, because an umbrella will protect you from the sun.
Ever since I was a small child, I have always wanted to run away and join the circus. Specifically, I have wanted to be a lion tamer. Through a series of life's happenings, parental expectations and innate talent sets, I ended up going to college and becoming an accountant.
I just passed my 35th birthday. I am married to a great woman. We get along well and we truly love each other. We have 3 great kids, aged 9, 6 and 2. They are the loves of my life. I had all but forgotten my dream of lion taming until I saw an ad in the paper. Not only is the circus in town, but they're looking for a lion tamer.
If I apply for the job and take it, it would mean a rather large reduction in pay. My family would have to move to a much, much smaller house and have to make some radical lifestyle adjustments. I would also be on the road 10 months out of the year, and I would miss a lot of the good stuff about being a husband and father.
But a lifelong dream is a lifelong dream, right? Help me, Dr. Sadie.
- Lions or Love?
Well, if they want to move to a very small house, they can if they want to. Of course you should be a lion tamer, because it's what you want to do. Your family can move to the small house, and you'll still see them sometimes. I'm sure you'll come back, sometimes.
You have to go where there's lots of lions to be a lion tamer. Maybe you should go to a hot place, like Arizona or the beach. There are lots of lions there. You'd better remember an umbrella, because an umbrella will protect you from the sun.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Who's the father? (another take)
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I am a single, successful woman in my mid-30s. I have not been lucky in love. I was engaged once, but I found out that he wasn't a very good person, thankfully before we said our "I dos." I've had a string of boyfriends, but none has been a "keeper."
I really want to be a mother, and I have a support network around me so that I can do this on my own. The problem is finding a father. I have a wonderful best friend, who is married to a wonderful woman. They have 4 kids of their own, and I think he'd be a great donor. I'm afraid of asking him, for fear of what it might do to their marriage and our relationship. I could also call a donor bank, but that seems so impersonal and like a big risk.
What do you think I should do?
- Mother to Be (I Hope)
You should marry another woman. Then you could both have babies at the same time. Then the babies could play together and they wouldn't be lonely. If you two women are together, I'm sure you'd have lots of babies. The kids would all play together and be very happy. You might have two babies, or three, or four or FIVE!! This way you wouldn't need to have a father, the babies would have two mommies. That sounds nice to me.
I am a single, successful woman in my mid-30s. I have not been lucky in love. I was engaged once, but I found out that he wasn't a very good person, thankfully before we said our "I dos." I've had a string of boyfriends, but none has been a "keeper."
I really want to be a mother, and I have a support network around me so that I can do this on my own. The problem is finding a father. I have a wonderful best friend, who is married to a wonderful woman. They have 4 kids of their own, and I think he'd be a great donor. I'm afraid of asking him, for fear of what it might do to their marriage and our relationship. I could also call a donor bank, but that seems so impersonal and like a big risk.
What do you think I should do?
- Mother to Be (I Hope)
You should marry another woman. Then you could both have babies at the same time. Then the babies could play together and they wouldn't be lonely. If you two women are together, I'm sure you'd have lots of babies. The kids would all play together and be very happy. You might have two babies, or three, or four or FIVE!! This way you wouldn't need to have a father, the babies would have two mommies. That sounds nice to me.
Monday, May 27, 2013
A Penny Saved
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I have a complicated problem. About 5 years ago, my wife and I bought a house from a family that didn't need it anymore. They had lived in the house for 5 generations, and they were sad to sell it. The patriarch was being moved into a nursing home, and all of his children were grown and living in other towns. They couldn't afford to keep it. Unfortunately, they were very obnoxious during the sale - making all sorts of demands and changing their minds several times. It was horrible, but we were happy to buy the house, and we love it. We have not heard from them since the sale.
Last week I was digging in the garden, and I found an old tin box. I opened it up, and I found the patriarch's coin collection from when he was a child. His name was on the box, and it contained several coins that were probably a little valuable when he put the box there, sometime in the 1920s or 1930s. We had the collection appraised, and it's worth about $15,000 to $25,000. We could use the money, and we're sure the patriarch doesn't remember putting the box in the garden (he has memory issues).
So what do we do, Dr. Sadie? Do we give the collection to the family, even though they are horrible, nasty people who tried to squeeze every penny from us during the sale? Do we keep the collection for our children? Do we sell it and use the proceeds for our own purposes? Do we donate the money to Alzheimer's research?
Please help.
- In a Pickle
I think you should put the house on sale and use the money for a big birthday party. Then you can live in a different house. You should buy a white house.
Since you love this house, though, I don't think you should sell it. You should sell the coin collection and give the money back to that man. He buried it, and it belongs to him.
This is a wonderful chance for you to see the true meaning of being a person. You should be nice, even though he wasn't nice to you.
I have a complicated problem. About 5 years ago, my wife and I bought a house from a family that didn't need it anymore. They had lived in the house for 5 generations, and they were sad to sell it. The patriarch was being moved into a nursing home, and all of his children were grown and living in other towns. They couldn't afford to keep it. Unfortunately, they were very obnoxious during the sale - making all sorts of demands and changing their minds several times. It was horrible, but we were happy to buy the house, and we love it. We have not heard from them since the sale.
Last week I was digging in the garden, and I found an old tin box. I opened it up, and I found the patriarch's coin collection from when he was a child. His name was on the box, and it contained several coins that were probably a little valuable when he put the box there, sometime in the 1920s or 1930s. We had the collection appraised, and it's worth about $15,000 to $25,000. We could use the money, and we're sure the patriarch doesn't remember putting the box in the garden (he has memory issues).
So what do we do, Dr. Sadie? Do we give the collection to the family, even though they are horrible, nasty people who tried to squeeze every penny from us during the sale? Do we keep the collection for our children? Do we sell it and use the proceeds for our own purposes? Do we donate the money to Alzheimer's research?
Please help.
- In a Pickle
I think you should put the house on sale and use the money for a big birthday party. Then you can live in a different house. You should buy a white house.
Since you love this house, though, I don't think you should sell it. You should sell the coin collection and give the money back to that man. He buried it, and it belongs to him.
This is a wonderful chance for you to see the true meaning of being a person. You should be nice, even though he wasn't nice to you.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
What a Turkey!
Dear Dr. Sadie,
Please help me. I'm livid.
It's always been a dream of mine to see Constantinople, but I've never had the money. I've been saving my pennies for a very long time. My husband and I have never made much money, but we've been frugal, and we were able to put the kids through college, save enough for retirement, and pay off our debt completely. Through it all, and entirely through my efforts I managed to save enough money for my husband and I to spend a month in Istanbul, seeing all the sights and staying in nice places.
Yesterday my husband surprised me for my birthday with a brand new convertible. I have never wanted one (but he always has). When I asked him where he got the money he said, "I raided that dumb vacation fund. It's not like we were ever going anyway."
I am speechless. What should I do?
- No Turkey for Me, Thanks
You should make your own store with money in it (like a bank), then you could get your own money from the bank and then you could take all of the money out of the bank and then you can use it to go on your trip.
You should also find a new husband. You can look for a new husband when you go to Constantinople. I bet there's a good husband there.
Another way you can make money is for you to find people who have ducks. If the ducks have a baby, and they need someone to take care of it, they might pay you to raise the baby duck for them.
Please help me. I'm livid.
It's always been a dream of mine to see Constantinople, but I've never had the money. I've been saving my pennies for a very long time. My husband and I have never made much money, but we've been frugal, and we were able to put the kids through college, save enough for retirement, and pay off our debt completely. Through it all, and entirely through my efforts I managed to save enough money for my husband and I to spend a month in Istanbul, seeing all the sights and staying in nice places.
Yesterday my husband surprised me for my birthday with a brand new convertible. I have never wanted one (but he always has). When I asked him where he got the money he said, "I raided that dumb vacation fund. It's not like we were ever going anyway."
I am speechless. What should I do?
- No Turkey for Me, Thanks
You should make your own store with money in it (like a bank), then you could get your own money from the bank and then you could take all of the money out of the bank and then you can use it to go on your trip.
You should also find a new husband. You can look for a new husband when you go to Constantinople. I bet there's a good husband there.
Another way you can make money is for you to find people who have ducks. If the ducks have a baby, and they need someone to take care of it, they might pay you to raise the baby duck for them.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Headed for the Altar on the Bus from Speed
Dear Dr. Sadie,
My son is engaged to a woman that we have known for a year. When we met, she presented as a lovely, young woman, full of promise and grace. When they announced their engagement 3 months ago, we were ecstatic to welcome her into our family.
Since that time, she has gained 50 pounds, and she refuses to go out of the house. She quit her job and expects our son to support her fully. He does everything around the house. Last month, she moved them across the country, because she likes the climate better. Our son had to find a job (one that doesn't pay nearly as well and is not in an industry with any growth or opportunity for advancement). She also refuses to let him visit us or allow us to come visit them.
The wedding is in 3 months, and we are very scared. What should we do?
- Outraged and Disowned
You should find someone else for him to marry - someone that he doesn't know. He can use this to get to know other people. He should meet original people who are in the same state that you are in. That would be better for everyone.
That's all you should do - nothing else. You should have some watermelon. It's yummy. When you're done eating it, you can swim in the juice.
My son is engaged to a woman that we have known for a year. When we met, she presented as a lovely, young woman, full of promise and grace. When they announced their engagement 3 months ago, we were ecstatic to welcome her into our family.
Since that time, she has gained 50 pounds, and she refuses to go out of the house. She quit her job and expects our son to support her fully. He does everything around the house. Last month, she moved them across the country, because she likes the climate better. Our son had to find a job (one that doesn't pay nearly as well and is not in an industry with any growth or opportunity for advancement). She also refuses to let him visit us or allow us to come visit them.
The wedding is in 3 months, and we are very scared. What should we do?
- Outraged and Disowned
You should find someone else for him to marry - someone that he doesn't know. He can use this to get to know other people. He should meet original people who are in the same state that you are in. That would be better for everyone.
That's all you should do - nothing else. You should have some watermelon. It's yummy. When you're done eating it, you can swim in the juice.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Dr Sadie Takes on Mothers' Day
Dear Dr. Sadie,
My mother is the most kind, generous and gentle woman I know. She has supported me unconditionally for my entire life. She truly is my hero. How can I honor her appropriately on Mothers' Day?
- Delighted Daughter
You can make her a plant at school. It should be a violet. You should also make her a strawberry shortcake. You should also get her a present. It will be a new ring. The ring will be be a diamond - green diamond. It shouldn't be too fancy. It will be a ring for wearing all the time. She could also wear it to a fancy ball.
You could also make her a ring. You could study rings for a while, then make a ring for her.
It's important to get your mother nice things on Mothers' Day. I didn't get anything for Mama this year. I MADE something for her. She's very special, and I made her a special plant at school.
My mother is the most kind, generous and gentle woman I know. She has supported me unconditionally for my entire life. She truly is my hero. How can I honor her appropriately on Mothers' Day?
- Delighted Daughter
You can make her a plant at school. It should be a violet. You should also make her a strawberry shortcake. You should also get her a present. It will be a new ring. The ring will be be a diamond - green diamond. It shouldn't be too fancy. It will be a ring for wearing all the time. She could also wear it to a fancy ball.
You could also make her a ring. You could study rings for a while, then make a ring for her.
It's important to get your mother nice things on Mothers' Day. I didn't get anything for Mama this year. I MADE something for her. She's very special, and I made her a special plant at school.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Warm Weather Fashions
Dear Dr. Sadie,
Well, it has happened again. I failed to keep my New Year's Resolution, and I find myself going into the warm weather with a little more "insulation" than I want or need. I'd like to look good in the summertime, though. What should I wear this season so that I am comfortable and look good?
- Fashion First
You should wear beautiful dresses. It should have beautiful stuff on it. You should also do beautiful dances like this [Dr. Sadie mimes playing the castanets above her head]. You can also wear pretty headbands. It should have feathers and sequins on it. You should wear bows in the desert or you can wear leaves.
Well, it has happened again. I failed to keep my New Year's Resolution, and I find myself going into the warm weather with a little more "insulation" than I want or need. I'd like to look good in the summertime, though. What should I wear this season so that I am comfortable and look good?
- Fashion First
You should wear beautiful dresses. It should have beautiful stuff on it. You should also do beautiful dances like this [Dr. Sadie mimes playing the castanets above her head]. You can also wear pretty headbands. It should have feathers and sequins on it. You should wear bows in the desert or you can wear leaves.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Breaking in
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I know in my heart that I was born to be a star. I love to act, sing and dance. Do you have any advice on how I can make it big in the movies?
- A Rising (hopefully) Star
You could just ask someone to teach you how to act longer and how to sing longer and how to dance longer. That might be the way. That way you can spend more time in the movie.
You should tell the fairies that you want to be in the movies, and they will help you do it. Fairies can help you do anything. Fairies are magical.
You could make a stage and learn how to act at a school. You could go to an acting school. You would have to go every single day. Then you could have a play on what you've been learning. It would take you three days to learn how to be a star.
I know in my heart that I was born to be a star. I love to act, sing and dance. Do you have any advice on how I can make it big in the movies?
- A Rising (hopefully) Star
You could just ask someone to teach you how to act longer and how to sing longer and how to dance longer. That might be the way. That way you can spend more time in the movie.
You should tell the fairies that you want to be in the movies, and they will help you do it. Fairies can help you do anything. Fairies are magical.
You could make a stage and learn how to act at a school. You could go to an acting school. You would have to go every single day. Then you could have a play on what you've been learning. It would take you three days to learn how to be a star.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
What's a Sharknado?
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I recently discovered the existence of a wonderfully awful sounding film, called Sharknado, which seems to combine the devastating effects of a shark attack with a tornado. I truly love films such as these, but what I can't figure out is how they got such big stars to appear in this. There are some genuine celebrities in there, including John Heard. John Heard!?!? How do you think they got him to appear in a film like that?
- Dr. Sadie's Astonished Grandpa
I think he probably got on a whale and made the whale go to the sea. The whale's name was "Whale."
I think they paid him 25 cents to be in the movie. That's a lot of money. With that kind of money, you can pay to be in a movie. You could also buy a wooley-wobbley. That's a kind of toy. You can also spend the money on anteater legs. They're yummy.
I recently discovered the existence of a wonderfully awful sounding film, called Sharknado, which seems to combine the devastating effects of a shark attack with a tornado. I truly love films such as these, but what I can't figure out is how they got such big stars to appear in this. There are some genuine celebrities in there, including John Heard. John Heard!?!? How do you think they got him to appear in a film like that?
- Dr. Sadie's Astonished Grandpa
I think he probably got on a whale and made the whale go to the sea. The whale's name was "Whale."
I think they paid him 25 cents to be in the movie. That's a lot of money. With that kind of money, you can pay to be in a movie. You could also buy a wooley-wobbley. That's a kind of toy. You can also spend the money on anteater legs. They're yummy.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Hot for Boss
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I am in my mid-20s, and I work in a small start-up with a small group of people who are all in their mid-20s to early 30s. We work very long hours. There are even cots in the office, in case we need to sleep there. Everyone is very dedicated, but our social lives have taken a serious hit.
I have developed the hots for my boss. She's nice, supportive, attractive and intelligent. She's perfect for me. If I had a social life outside of work, I would never consider dating someone from work, but because I'm in the office 80 to 140 hours a week, I really have no other opportunities, and I'm feeling a little lonely.
I am worried that if I ask her out, and she refuses me, it might change the dynamics in the office (which are very good). I am also worried that if we do start dating, it will also change the office. I am also worried that if we start dating, and it doesn't work out, I'll have to leave the company.
What should I do?
- Nervous, but lonely
When I get to be your age, I will date with you, so we can be friends, and we can go to the beach, and we can both get hot dogs and lemonade. You shouldn't ask your boss out.
Until I get to be that age, we can invite you over to our house for dinner. You can have leftovers with us. We had chili last night, and it was good. You can help us know what time it is, and you can help us keep a watch out for bad guys.
If you come over, I'll give you hot dogs and marshmallows in your hot chocolate. You can stay in our guest room.
I am in my mid-20s, and I work in a small start-up with a small group of people who are all in their mid-20s to early 30s. We work very long hours. There are even cots in the office, in case we need to sleep there. Everyone is very dedicated, but our social lives have taken a serious hit.
I have developed the hots for my boss. She's nice, supportive, attractive and intelligent. She's perfect for me. If I had a social life outside of work, I would never consider dating someone from work, but because I'm in the office 80 to 140 hours a week, I really have no other opportunities, and I'm feeling a little lonely.
I am worried that if I ask her out, and she refuses me, it might change the dynamics in the office (which are very good). I am also worried that if we do start dating, it will also change the office. I am also worried that if we start dating, and it doesn't work out, I'll have to leave the company.
What should I do?
- Nervous, but lonely
When I get to be your age, I will date with you, so we can be friends, and we can go to the beach, and we can both get hot dogs and lemonade. You shouldn't ask your boss out.
Until I get to be that age, we can invite you over to our house for dinner. You can have leftovers with us. We had chili last night, and it was good. You can help us know what time it is, and you can help us keep a watch out for bad guys.
If you come over, I'll give you hot dogs and marshmallows in your hot chocolate. You can stay in our guest room.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Postdoctoral Ennui
Dear Dr. Sadie,
Last fall I finished my dissertation. It was on the social habits of Monarch butterlies. I really loved my studies, but now that I'm done, I can't imagine entering the world of academia. What should I do with my life?
- Butterfly McKing
Maybe you should get a jar and fill the jar up with butterflies. Then you can bring your jar to the computer and figure out more about butterflies. You could study babies - like how babies are born. You could study that. I always wanted to study that. It's really, really good - because then you know how to be a doctor, and then you get more money to buy good toys.
You could be someone who steers a train. It's a little bit fun. Or you could be a baker. It's really fun. You get to bake delicious foods.
Last fall I finished my dissertation. It was on the social habits of Monarch butterlies. I really loved my studies, but now that I'm done, I can't imagine entering the world of academia. What should I do with my life?
- Butterfly McKing
Maybe you should get a jar and fill the jar up with butterflies. Then you can bring your jar to the computer and figure out more about butterflies. You could study babies - like how babies are born. You could study that. I always wanted to study that. It's really, really good - because then you know how to be a doctor, and then you get more money to buy good toys.
You could be someone who steers a train. It's a little bit fun. Or you could be a baker. It's really fun. You get to bake delicious foods.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
A Study in Bigness
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I am 7 years old, and I have a serious question. None of the grown-ups I asked have given me a good answer to it, so I thought I'd ask you. What's the biggest number in the world?
- Curious
Ten. Because it's this big. [Dr. Sadie spreads her arms out wide.] Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen and Sixteen, which is six and one, are all bigger than ten, though. One thousand is really the biggest number. It's THAT big. [Dr. Sadie spreads her arms wider, so they are behind her back.] No one gets to be a thousand years old. People can live to be a hundred, but not a thousand.
I am 7 years old, and I have a serious question. None of the grown-ups I asked have given me a good answer to it, so I thought I'd ask you. What's the biggest number in the world?
- Curious
Ten. Because it's this big. [Dr. Sadie spreads her arms out wide.] Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen and Sixteen, which is six and one, are all bigger than ten, though. One thousand is really the biggest number. It's THAT big. [Dr. Sadie spreads her arms wider, so they are behind her back.] No one gets to be a thousand years old. People can live to be a hundred, but not a thousand.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Trying Hard
Dear Dr. Sadie,
A friend of mine tries to do everything that he can for everyone. He won't accept that there's something he can't do to help the people around him. Sometimes his help can make things better, and sometimes it doesn't. He always takes it hard when his help isn't enough. Yesterday he found a problem that was especially important and personal for him, and he did everything that he could to fix the problem. But it wasn't enough, and so something bad happened. Now he blames himself for not being good enough to save everyone he meets. What should I tell him to help him to feel better?
Yours,
Concerned Friend
You can wait for your Birthday. Because Birthdays are when you expect to visit your family. Then you'll get to meet lots of new people that you didn't know before. You can have a dinosaur party on your Birthday. Than will make you feel better.
When you come to visit us, we'll have a surprise party for you.
A friend of mine tries to do everything that he can for everyone. He won't accept that there's something he can't do to help the people around him. Sometimes his help can make things better, and sometimes it doesn't. He always takes it hard when his help isn't enough. Yesterday he found a problem that was especially important and personal for him, and he did everything that he could to fix the problem. But it wasn't enough, and so something bad happened. Now he blames himself for not being good enough to save everyone he meets. What should I tell him to help him to feel better?
Yours,
Concerned Friend
You can wait for your Birthday. Because Birthdays are when you expect to visit your family. Then you'll get to meet lots of new people that you didn't know before. You can have a dinosaur party on your Birthday. Than will make you feel better.
When you come to visit us, we'll have a surprise party for you.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Where in the world is me?
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I am going to retire next year. I have planned and saved, and I now have a nice little nest egg to support me in my golden years. I am planning to sell my house and move into a small apartment or cottage somewhere. I have come to the realization that I can go anywhere in the world, but I can't figure out where I should go. Where do you think a retired person should move to enjoy the later part of life?
- Senior on the Move
Maybe you should go to a place where it is cold. Then you won't get sunburned. It's not good for old people to get sunburns.
You could move to Vermont. It's cold here, but it's hot in the summer. If you move here, you will get to play in the snow with your grandkids. That's lots of fun. When there's a big storm, you get to stay inside and play all day. That's lots of fun, too. In Vermont, you get to pick grapes. There's also playing with lemons.
I like maple creemees and sugar on snow, too.
I am going to retire next year. I have planned and saved, and I now have a nice little nest egg to support me in my golden years. I am planning to sell my house and move into a small apartment or cottage somewhere. I have come to the realization that I can go anywhere in the world, but I can't figure out where I should go. Where do you think a retired person should move to enjoy the later part of life?
- Senior on the Move
Maybe you should go to a place where it is cold. Then you won't get sunburned. It's not good for old people to get sunburns.
You could move to Vermont. It's cold here, but it's hot in the summer. If you move here, you will get to play in the snow with your grandkids. That's lots of fun. When there's a big storm, you get to stay inside and play all day. That's lots of fun, too. In Vermont, you get to pick grapes. There's also playing with lemons.
I like maple creemees and sugar on snow, too.
Friday, February 15, 2013
We're all sick
Dear Dr. Sadie,
It's cold and flu season, and everyone in my house is ill. My husband has the flu, I've got a nasty head cold, and my kids are all coughing up all sorts of nasty things. Do you know any ways to cure our ills?
- The Vector Family
I'm not really a doctor. I'm a princess. I don't know how to make you feel better. I think you need three fairies who have magical powers to make you feel better. Maybe you should take some medicine. There's medicine that you can drink. That will make you feel better.
It's cold and flu season, and everyone in my house is ill. My husband has the flu, I've got a nasty head cold, and my kids are all coughing up all sorts of nasty things. Do you know any ways to cure our ills?
- The Vector Family
I'm not really a doctor. I'm a princess. I don't know how to make you feel better. I think you need three fairies who have magical powers to make you feel better. Maybe you should take some medicine. There's medicine that you can drink. That will make you feel better.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Life is full of hard decisions
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I am a long-time reader, but first time writer. I really enjoy your columns, and I post them on my wall at work.
Now I need your help. I am stuck in a job I hate. I have the opportunity to do one of two things: I can go to college on a scholarship and become a medical technician, or I can join the circus and travel around the world. Which should I do?
- Conflicted
You should join the circus - I think that's better. If you join the circus, maybe you will get to see jugglers. That's the only good reason to join the circus.
I am a long-time reader, but first time writer. I really enjoy your columns, and I post them on my wall at work.
Now I need your help. I am stuck in a job I hate. I have the opportunity to do one of two things: I can go to college on a scholarship and become a medical technician, or I can join the circus and travel around the world. Which should I do?
- Conflicted
You should join the circus - I think that's better. If you join the circus, maybe you will get to see jugglers. That's the only good reason to join the circus.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Little Brother = Big Bother
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I have a little brother who I love dearly, but he always wants to do everything that I am doing. He takes my toys and follows me around. What can I do?
- Big Sister
You could take your toys before he does. You could dress in one of your scary Halloween costumes and scare your brother. You could use a tiger costume. You could ride around the house on a spooky horse. This works because when spooky things come near little things, it scare them away.
You could get a real horse up to your house, and then you could ride up to your little brother, and then he wouldn't take your toys, because he was scared.
I have a little brother who I love dearly, but he always wants to do everything that I am doing. He takes my toys and follows me around. What can I do?
- Big Sister
You could take your toys before he does. You could dress in one of your scary Halloween costumes and scare your brother. You could use a tiger costume. You could ride around the house on a spooky horse. This works because when spooky things come near little things, it scare them away.
You could get a real horse up to your house, and then you could ride up to your little brother, and then he wouldn't take your toys, because he was scared.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Jumping ship?
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I have been married to a wonderful man for 5 years. He's kind, educated, very good looking, intelligent and sensitive. He treats me very well. We have a beautiful 2 year old son. Our life is truly wonderful. I look around me at all of the unemployment, poverty, marital strife and unhappiness, and I am so grateful for all that I have. I am truly blessed.
I find myself thinking romantic thoughts about my mechanic. He's rough, filthy and is generally rude and obnoxious. I find him physically repulsive. Still, not a day goes by that I don't think about leaving my family behind and shacking up with him. Please help!!!
- Confused Wife and Mother
You should marry the mechanic, because then you won't have to go to his place to get your car fixed. You should leave your husband and son behind because they might want to marry other people, too. You need to marry lots of different people. It's not good to stay with one person all the time.
I have been married to a wonderful man for 5 years. He's kind, educated, very good looking, intelligent and sensitive. He treats me very well. We have a beautiful 2 year old son. Our life is truly wonderful. I look around me at all of the unemployment, poverty, marital strife and unhappiness, and I am so grateful for all that I have. I am truly blessed.
I find myself thinking romantic thoughts about my mechanic. He's rough, filthy and is generally rude and obnoxious. I find him physically repulsive. Still, not a day goes by that I don't think about leaving my family behind and shacking up with him. Please help!!!
- Confused Wife and Mother
You should marry the mechanic, because then you won't have to go to his place to get your car fixed. You should leave your husband and son behind because they might want to marry other people, too. You need to marry lots of different people. It's not good to stay with one person all the time.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
There's No Business Like Snow Business
Dear Dr. Sadie,
I own and operate a small ski resort in a New England State. I read a report today that says that it is expected that almost all ski resorts in New England will be out of business in the next 20 years, due to climate change. What should I do?
- Ski Bum
Maybe you should close up your job so that no one will take it away anymore. Then you should put some ribbon around it.
I have an idea. If it's getting too hot outside, why don't you make ice inside. You could make ice in the freezer, then you could put it all together and make a skating rink.
I own and operate a small ski resort in a New England State. I read a report today that says that it is expected that almost all ski resorts in New England will be out of business in the next 20 years, due to climate change. What should I do?
- Ski Bum
Maybe you should close up your job so that no one will take it away anymore. Then you should put some ribbon around it.
I have an idea. If it's getting too hot outside, why don't you make ice inside. You could make ice in the freezer, then you could put it all together and make a skating rink.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Deadbeats' Road Trip
Dear Dr. Sadie,
This is what I get for being a good person. About 6 months ago, my brother and his girlfriend, both high school dropouts and neither of whom can seem to hold a job for more than a few weeks, begged me to let them stay with me for a few weeks, "just until they can get back on their feet." Predictably, a few weeks turned into several months. This morning, I woke up to get ready for work, and I found that they had stolen my television and some other valuables (presumably to hock for cash), and they'd taken my car. There's a note on the table that says, "gone to Vegas, don't wait up."
What do I do now?
- Sucker
I think you should go to a car sale and get another car, and you should hide it. You should get another television, and you should hide it somewhere they can't find it.
When you see your brother you should say, "don't take my stuff. You are an awful kid. Do not come back to my house."
This is what I get for being a good person. About 6 months ago, my brother and his girlfriend, both high school dropouts and neither of whom can seem to hold a job for more than a few weeks, begged me to let them stay with me for a few weeks, "just until they can get back on their feet." Predictably, a few weeks turned into several months. This morning, I woke up to get ready for work, and I found that they had stolen my television and some other valuables (presumably to hock for cash), and they'd taken my car. There's a note on the table that says, "gone to Vegas, don't wait up."
What do I do now?
- Sucker
I think you should go to a car sale and get another car, and you should hide it. You should get another television, and you should hide it somewhere they can't find it.
When you see your brother you should say, "don't take my stuff. You are an awful kid. Do not come back to my house."
Monday, January 7, 2013
Dr. Sadie takes on Resolutions
Dear Dr. Sadie,
Do you have any tips for how one can keep one's New Year's Resolutions? I really want to make mine work this year.
- Resolved
I know someone who always keeps his promises. His name is the New Year's Resolution Mayor. He always kept his, because his birthday was on New Year's. So he just had to get a special present for himself, so he could open it. It was a very big present. It had a big ribbon on it, and the present was a jar filled with candies. The jar was taller than my Dada, and it was filled with candies for him to eat.
You can keep your New Year's Resolution by hugging yourself and kissing yourself and sending yourself a giant package. The package should be full of jars full of candies for you to eat. The package needs to be taller than my Mama.
Do you have any tips for how one can keep one's New Year's Resolutions? I really want to make mine work this year.
- Resolved
I know someone who always keeps his promises. His name is the New Year's Resolution Mayor. He always kept his, because his birthday was on New Year's. So he just had to get a special present for himself, so he could open it. It was a very big present. It had a big ribbon on it, and the present was a jar filled with candies. The jar was taller than my Dada, and it was filled with candies for him to eat.
You can keep your New Year's Resolution by hugging yourself and kissing yourself and sending yourself a giant package. The package should be full of jars full of candies for you to eat. The package needs to be taller than my Mama.
Friday, January 4, 2013
The Lonely Hearts Clubhouse
Dear Dr. Sadie,
Well, it happened again. Another New Year's Eve with no one special to kiss. It seems like all of my friends are now seriously coupled, married or having kids, and I am the lone spinster. Tell me, Dr. Sadie, will I ever find love?
Lonely in Louisville
Are your Mommy and Daddy still with you? Mommies and Daddies take care of their kids. If they are still around, then they will love you and take care of you.
Let's start with the people you know. Could you marry any of them?
Otherwise, you should meet new people. To meet new people, you should start by getting some money at the bank. Then you should go back to where there are people. Some of the people are at the mall. You could meet the people at the mall. You could marry one of them.
You could walk up to people you meet, and ask them, "hey! Could I marry you?" You could go around the whole world. Someone will say yes. Then you could get married and have children. Then, when you go to a fancy ball, the babysitter will come.
Well, it happened again. Another New Year's Eve with no one special to kiss. It seems like all of my friends are now seriously coupled, married or having kids, and I am the lone spinster. Tell me, Dr. Sadie, will I ever find love?
Lonely in Louisville
Are your Mommy and Daddy still with you? Mommies and Daddies take care of their kids. If they are still around, then they will love you and take care of you.
Let's start with the people you know. Could you marry any of them?
Otherwise, you should meet new people. To meet new people, you should start by getting some money at the bank. Then you should go back to where there are people. Some of the people are at the mall. You could meet the people at the mall. You could marry one of them.
You could walk up to people you meet, and ask them, "hey! Could I marry you?" You could go around the whole world. Someone will say yes. Then you could get married and have children. Then, when you go to a fancy ball, the babysitter will come.
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